


Safe Haven

by coffee_with_bucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, Bucky Barnes Feels, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Nightmares, One Shot, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bucky Barnes, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 22:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17031120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffee_with_bucky/pseuds/coffee_with_bucky
Summary: You’ve always tried to push your past behind you and did your best to suppress your anxieties. But when you accidentally let one of your fears slip to your mind, the dam breaks and all your apprehensions start to flood your thoughts. You lose grip on reality and panic begins to sink in. However, Bucky calms you down and relieves you of your worries. With you in his arms, he shields you from your fears and gives the sense of protection you need.





	Safe Haven

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I wrote this to help cope with some personal issues I’ve been dealing with for the past year. My intentions were to use this as an outlet, not as a way of romanticizing panic attacks. On a side note, panic attacks vary from person to person and everyone experiences it differently but for this oneshot I wrote it based on my own experience with panic attacks. If you are going through rough waters at the moment I suggest reaching out to someone you know. It can be a friend, a family member, or even a friend in fandoms you associate with. As well, if you’re not comfortable with the topics I stated above, please do not read this. Feedback is appreciated!

You absolutely hated it.

Your nightmares haunted you every night, constantly reminding you what you had done in your past before becoming a member of the Avengers.

You had fallen into an endless loop of organized crime many years ago, being taken and forced to become an assassin for the organization you were working for. After assassinating dozens of targets over the course of your life, your sanity was slowly deteriorating and you knew you had to escape your organization’s grasp.

After fleeing, you laid low for a few years and kept a low profile until you were approached by none other than Nick Fury, the leader of S.H.I.E.L.D. Apparently you were under his radar for quite some time and he knew who you previously worked for. However, instead of arresting you for your crimes, he decided to take you in and let you join S.H.I.E.L.D. after seeing that your skills could be used for the greater good.

You tried falling back asleep, but your mind was restless. Images of dead bodies and the sinister faces of your former superiors emerged in the back of your head as you tossed and turned in your bed.

Kicking off the duvet covers with a huff, you got up from your bed and headed towards the kitchen in the Avengers compound. Pouring yourself a glass a water, you took a sip of the cold liquid, quenching your parched throat. As your mind began to fill with millions of thoughts, your heartbeat started to race, pounding against your chest like a jackhammer.

You were terrified out of your mind. Even after all of those years, you were still petrified that they were still out there, possibly trying to find you and take revenge for you betraying them. The uncertainty of it scared you and it always kept you on edge.

You leaned on the kitchen counter and gripped the sides of the granite. Your lungs began to constrict, causing your breathing to become sporadic. You closed your eyes as you tried to push your thoughts away as much as you could. You focused solely on your breathing, trying to calm yourself down by taking deep breaths. Unfortunately, it was a too little too late. All it took was your brain to create images of your past commanders with expressions full of revenge and hatred.

Your knees became weak and gave out from under you, making you crouch to the floor. Placing your forehead to the cold tiles, your arms and legs became numb as your body began to shake like an earthquake. You struggled for air as tears streamed down your face due to how overwhelmed you were. Just as you were feeling yourself spiraling out of control, you heard footsteps enter the room. The person stepped closer to you, approaching the kitchen to inspect the trembling noises that you were making.

“Y/N!”

The person bent to your level, placing a hand on your tense and shuddering shoulder. Despite feeling a bit faint, you recognized that the voice belonged to Bucky.

“Oh my god,” He whispered, trying to soothe you by rubbing your back, “It’s okay I got you, doll.”

The hands you held beside your head balled into fists. You were frustrated and embarrassed for him to see you at your lowest state. However, you were grateful that he came at the right time.

It took a while to get to know everyone on the team, but you eventually created strong bonds with each member and the strongest connection you developed with was the winter soldier himself. When the two of you decided to share your pasts at two o’clock in the morning you soon realized that you were more similar to each other than you thought. You and Bucky were there for each other when times got tough, comforting each other when nights were weary and combating nightmares together. The two of you were inseparable.

Bucky grasped your forearms gently, turning you so you were facing him. Your eyes were still shut as your head still hung low. More tears threatened to fall from your eyes as you continued to gasp for oxygen.

“Hey, hey, hey…” He hushed while caressing your cheek with his metal hand, “Everything is going to be alright, sweetheart. Just listen to my voice.”

With his other hand, he intertwined his fingers with yours, running his thumb smoothly against the back of your hand.

“Can you take a deep breath for me, doll?” He whispered.

Blinking some tears away, you sniffled before slowly inhaling through your nose.

“Great job,” Bucky said as he kissed the crown of your head, “Now let it out slowly.”

You exhaled a shaky breath gradually through your mouth, lifting your head slightly as your frame was still shaking.

“Darling, you’re doing so well. Keep focusing on your breathing.”

You repeated the cycle multiple times, steadily regaining air while you concentrated on his voice. Once you felt that your arms and legs had stopped prickling, you sat up on your knees, raising your head to meet Bucky’s eyes that were filled with worry.

He kept stroking your cheek with his metal hand, running his thumb under your eye to stop tears from rolling. You quickly took in his appearance as you leaned into his touch. You guessed he most likely woke up from his nightmares as well, noticing the prominent dark circles shadowed under his eyes and his disheveled hair.

With all the strength you had, you reached up and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug as you buried your head in the crook of his neck. Bucky immediately responded by enveloping his arms around your torso, drawing you closer to him as he kissed your temple tenderly. Gently holding you in his arms, Bucky lifted you up and lightly placed you on the counter, keeping you in his embrace as he stood in between your legs. With his right hand, he carefully ran his fingers through your hair,

“Do you want to talk about it?” He mumbled close to your ear.

You sighed deeply, taking in his scent as a sob tried to itch its way up your throat.

“I-I’m scared.” You muttered under your breath as your lip began to quiver.

Bucky pulled away slightly, scanning your face with much concern.

“W-What happens if they f-find me? They m-might torture me to death… O-Oh my god they’re going to k-kill me, aren’t they? What- “

“No, no, don’t say that, doll.” Bucky said as he gently cupped the sides of your cheeks to make you look at him.

“You have the entire team who will protect and fight for you in a heartbeat. They’ll never let them take you… _I’ll_ never let them take you.”

A few stray tears escaped your eyes as you sniffled again. You gave Bucky a sad smile.

He sighed as he looked at you with glossy eyes, the pads of his regular thumb and metal one brushing your cheeks. You looked down at your lap as you fidgeted around with your fingers.

“I hate seeing you like this,” Bucky breathed as he kissed your forehead, “I promise that I’ll always protect you.”

You looked back up to see that his chilling blue eyes were filled to the brim with sincerity.

“Thank you, Buck.” You whispered.

Bucky furrowed his brows, biting his lower lip before grabbing the edges of the counter on either side of you. He eyed at the floor as a few strands of his hair fell in front of his face.

“I really care about you Y/N. You keep me sane, you’ve been there for me through thick and thin…”

Clasping your hands with his, he gazed into your eyes,

“I-I love you so much.”

Upon hearing those words, your mind and heart became fuzzy as you felt heat rise to your cheeks. Squeezing his hands back, you couldn’t help but give an airy chuckle, which immediately brought a smile to Bucky’s face.

“I love you too, Bucky.”

His smile broadened briefly before glancing between your eyes and your lips. Your eyes softened as you gradually reached up, tucking his hair behind his ear. Cupping the side of his jaw, you felt his stubble lightly prick your skin as you leisurely brushed his bottom lip, feeling his lips purse to kiss the pad of your thumb.

“Is it okay if I…” His question trailed off as he leaned forward, glimpsing at your lips again.

You nodded before meeting him halfway, your lips pressed against his. Bucky moved his lips tenderly, making you melt from his touch as his arms wrapped around your waist. Your eyes fluttered shut as your hands cupped his cheeks. You kissed him back ever so slowly and gingerly, wanting to savour the moment as much as you could. Deeping the kiss, he pulled you closer to the edge of the counter as your thoughts became hazy. How delicately yet passionately he was kissing you and the way his lips moved ever so affectionately, you felt like you were on cloud nine.

Before your lungs could give out, you pulled away with a heavy sigh. Bucky was breathing deeply, trying to regain his oxygen as both of your breathes mingled. He pressed his forehead against yours before pecking your slightly swollen lips with his equally sore and pink ones. With one last peck to your nose, Bucky sighed,

“We should head back to bed, doll.”

You gave a slight nod and slid off the counter. However, before your feet were able to touch the ground, Bucky had swept you up in his arms, carrying you bridal style down the silent halls of the compound. You stifled a yawn as sleep started to take a toll on you.

Arriving at your room, Bucky carried you to your bed, setting you down gently on the mattress. Before you laid down, you delicately grabbed his metal arm and coyly asked him,

“Stay with me?”

Bucky gave you a subtle smile, “Of course.”

Climbing in beside you, Bucky grabbed your discarded duvet covers from earlier and tucked the both of you in. Scooting closer, you rested your head against his chest as his human arm wrapped around you comfortably. You sighed contently as you draped your arm across his torso. Bucky featherily stroked your arm, drawing random patterns against your skin. Little by little, your eyes closed as you listened to the sound of the melodic thumps of his heartbeat.

“I love you.” You whispered, your heart swelling upon hearing those three words drift through your lips.

“I love you so much more.” Bucky murmured, kissing the top of your head.

You knew that even though the both of you were broken, the two of you were there to mend each other. It would take time, but you and Bucky will stop your qualms together. It only took the feeling of his arms around you to make you feel sheltered. His embrace was like a force field protecting you from your doubts and the way he held you in his arms made you feel secure. Bucky’s company and warmth placed you in a state of tranquility, reassuring you that you’re not alone. Bucky is your shelter.

He’s your safe haven.


End file.
